Missing for over a month, the elusive Tiger Woods, MAY have been seen entering an Argentinean Fertility Clinic known to pay BIG BUCKS for a super secretive artificial insemination program designed to produce Super Athletes.
The Clinic, and the program, reportedly has been in operation since July 1945, and was originally started with seed money spirited to the country in a submarine by a Catholic Cardinal who also served in the Waffen SS.
Woods, disgraced and left almost penniless after all his sponsors 'pulled out' while he continued to 'leave it in', has reportedly been desperate for money and at the same time frantic to continue his sexual addiction; he has been labeled a "CRACK ADDICT' by Dr. Ruth on national TV, a diagnosis confirmed by his former caddy now forced to hump bags at Heathrow to make ends meet, and detailed in an earlier Spoof Exclusive.
Among the patrons of the Clinic is the Direktor of Gymnastics for the Chinese Olympic Team, the head of South Korea's contingent to the WPGA, and its newest client, Kim Il Jong who wants to turn North Korea into a world power in Ping Pong, while maintaining his athletes on 450 calories per day.
Reproductive and Cloning experts say that Woods could expect a minimum of $500,000 each time he stood at stud, and with a proper diet could be expected to perform at least 3 times a day, far below the number of occurrences he reportedly enjoyed while on Tour, for which HE paid.
Facing a long hiatus from the professional golf tour, the evaporation of most of his million dollar endorsements, and a looming divorce settlement that could cost $500M, Woods' last close friend said the Swinger is desperate to raise money!
According to Woods estranged wife, Elin, she expects a big payoff to make up for her public humiliation, and said she didn't care if Tiger 'ever sunk another putt!"
When informed of the Clinic rumour, Elin said," Good Luck to him, if he manages to get off three times a day at $500K per shot, thats $1.5m a day...even in Norway that computes to a year of straight fucking around...and we haven't even got to the child support issue yet! I hope his dick falls off! As far as I'm concerned he can eat Lutefisk and die...Oof Da!!!!"