The Spoof Writer (and military commander in an unnamed but competely insignificant banana republic) previously known as Colonel Juan was busted to Captain after being caught naked in a hot tub with several exposed privates. He was busted in rank to Captain and given a less than desireable military assignment (less desireable for a straight man, that is).
Now, Captain Juan has been riffed from officer ranks and demoted to Corporal Juanita for conduct upbecoming an officer for lying on his official military records. The untruth was discovered (or maybe "uncovered" is a better word) when the former Captain failed a short arms inspection. To quote an old song, "Yes, we have no bananas" were the results of the inspection.
Colonel, then Captain, and now Corporal Juan could not "present arms" as she didn't have one.
From her new home in the female bachelor enlisted quarters on her country's naval base, the Corporal admitted that "Ze men goes much farther in our military zen ze ladies, and everybody knowz I liked to go all zee way!"
"I thinkz that zee best way to do dis is to be a big dick wizz a big dick. I guezz I no longer need banana in my pantz and can go back to eating bananaz (no pun intended)"