Written by BCBass
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Topics: Politics

Thursday, 31 December 2009

ANTANANARIVO - Madagascar's president has formally rejected internationally brokered power-sharing deals and said any attempt by the opposition to form a parliament this week would be illegal.

"I am very clever king... tok tok tok tok... I am super genius... I am robot king of the monkey thing... compute... compute," the president told confused reporters.

The self-imposed president of the island nation, King Julien, named a recently appointed army colonel, Mr. Alex ("The Lion"), as his new prime minister on Sunday after months of talks to end a year of instability collapsed.

Early in 2009, political turmoil convulsed Madagascar after repeated large-scale protests by Julien's supporters sparked internal dissent between members of the incumbent regime. Julien often said of the previous government, "They are... aliens! Savage aliens! From the savage future! They are always annoying us by trespassing, interrupting our parties, and ripping our limbs off." This rhetoric garnered him a great deal of local support by preying on the fears and superstitions of the indigenous population.

Julien's political leverage increased further following the arrival of Mr. Alex and his rag-tag militia from New York, which resulted in the successful overthrow of the former ruling party. After instigating the coup in March, Julien assumed control of the provisional government and announced that the posts of two co-presidents and the speaker of parliament would be scrapped.

In a statement published late on Sunday, Julien said the presidential decree firing his prime minister, Maurice, annulled an earlier order signed in September ratifying peace accords signed in Mozambique and Ethiopia. "Maurice, you did not raise your hand. Therefore, your heinous comment will be stricken from the record. Does anyone else have the heebie-jeebies for Mr. Alex? No? Good. So shut up."

However, in the interest of preserving peace on the island and solidifying his position, King Julien has extended an olive branch to the deposed regime, inviting them -- albeit conditionally -- to participate in his newly formed government.

"They're just a bunch of pansies," Julien said, "and what is a simple bite on the butt among friends? Welcome, giant pansies. Please feel free to bask in my glow!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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