Written by Gail Farrelly
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Wednesday, 30 December 2009

image for Security Personnel the World Over Get Boot in the Bum
Can they keep their jobs? At least they dress well.

The attempt to blow up a plane at the "secure" Detroit airport was the last straw. Time to say bye-bye to so- called security that keeps no one secure.

Lately there has been a string of security breaches. In the U. S., two uninvited guests managed to sneak into a White House dinner. Then, in Italy, Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi got smacked in the face. Italians were appalled, but there was more to come for them, when a woman lunged at the Pope. One Italian woman expressed her disgust: "We already gave," she said, "when Berlusconi got his teeth broken. Basta! Why did they have to come back for more?"

When the attempted attack at the Detroit airport occurred, it was time for action. "Traditional security is sooooooooooooo over," remarked a gum-chewing American teenager interviewed at the airport. "Security reviews? Too late. Fuhgeddaboutit. All those security dudes do is cause a lot of trouble for the law and order types. Remove your shoes, show your passport, prepare for pat-down. etc. What a crock. It's an outrage. The bad guys slip right through!"

At noon tomorrow, all security personnel the world over, and at all levels, are fired. As in: Shown the door, Exit, Kaput!

One slight glitch is now being worked on. Usually people being fired are escorted out the door by security people. Since it's the security people who are being fired, there's no one left to do the escorting. Members of the Mafia are being hired on a temporary basis to "escort" out the door the people getting booted. Some suggest the Mafia be hired for permanent positions. As one observer put it, "They know how to do security right. Act now, and ask questions later. Make them an offer they can't refuse, and they will go for it. They can't be any worse than the clowns we now have in those jobs." Calling Tony Soprano . . . . . .

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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