Sources deep inside Muslim headquarters report that 72 virgins are 'very disappointed' in the performance of Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, who is alleged to have tried to blow up a Northwest Airlines flight from Amsterdam to Detroit on Christmas Day.
The unnamed virgins also call Abdulmutallab 'a failure'.
'He just wanted to get his rocks off', said one virgin.
'He couldn't get it up', said another.
'Impotent', said a third.
According to allegations, Abdulmutallab attempted to detonate a bomb sewn into his underwear while Flight 253 was coming in for a landing.
'We heard the whole thing fizzled when he tried to scratch his balls', said a fourth virgin, who also refused to be named.
'Disgusting', she added.
A fifth virgin expressed hope that Tiger Woods would convert to Islam.
'Tiger Woods knows how to take care of the ladies', she said. 'And if he can do fourteen non-virgins, the 72 of us could definitely keep him busy.'