Written by Helen Tarnation
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Saturday, 26 December 2009

image for Minorities riot over suggestion they are 'below average'
Oddly, minorities cause more CO2 emissions than most people

Minorities around the world are rioting over the discovery by Devin Devlin that they are 'below average'.

Devlin, a population statistician with the University of Mudbury, earlier revealed in The Spoof that his statistical methods show that all minorities are sub-par in every way that's measurable.

'I might be a minority, but that doesn't mean I'm below average', said Shawneequa Washington, shortly after setting her neighborhood on fire.

'It just means I'm not as white as most people in North America.'

Her sentiments were echoed by Pierre Lambastian, who spared a moment of his busy day torching SUVs in Paris to give an interview with The Spoof.

'I'm not subnormal', he said. 'It's just that I don't express my political position like most people.'

In South Africa, Nils deBoer was furious. 'I'm a minority here', he said. 'Just about everyone around here is black. But I'm just going to watch the riots on cable TV. Thank goodness we don't have riots here.'

Statistician Devin Devlin is now in hiding. 'Most people don't have to live in fear like this', he said. 'Now I'm another kind of minority.'

SHOCK HORROR NEWSFLASH UPDATE: Minorities found to be 'above average', especially those with larger shoe sizes, clash on the streets with 'below average' minorities. Those injured in the rioting include the 'world's most average man'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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