Written by Morse
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Topics: Tiger Woods, NFL

Monday, 21 December 2009

image for NFL Asks Players to Donate Brains to Discover Reasons for Repeated Off the Field Insanity!
Donated Brain from NFL Wide Receiver: He Left Home Without It!

A spokesman for the NFL, concerned with the rising incidences of off the field mayhem, anti social behavior, and the increase in unwed mothers, have asked players to donate their brains for a study to be undertaken with Boston University.

"We need to take the lead in this important sociological phenomenon of why Athletes continue to jeopardize their career with blatantly stupid acts" said head of the NFL criminal enforcement division, Wayne "The Enforcer" O'Malley.

Sources close to the proposed study said the NFL was Boston University's second choice, but the NBA refused to participate after player representative
Iggy "too tall" Mugabe said, " that study be bogus, man, they can examine my brain all they want....won't show nuttin'"

Recent off the field incidences, players throwing themselves out of moving trucks, raising pit bulls for blood sport, repeated incidences of physically abusing women, and serial uncontrolled copulation, has caused concerns by sponsors, allegedly causing the league to respond.

Yalwonda 'sticky fingers' el Mohab, a tight end, said he would be willing to participate as long as the operation was painless, he got paid, and it didn't cause him to lose any 'face time' on the field or on his personal web page.

Lineman Frankie "The Pollock" Kawalski, a 395 pound interior defensive lineman formerly from the University of Nebraska, asked " ain't that kind of like donating a kidney or somethin'? I wouldn't do it for some university experiment, but for one of my team mates....sure, I'd do the right thing!"

Boston University scientists said there is now some urgency to starting the study as destructive episodes seem to be appearing in other professional sports, such as heretofore squeaky clean golf, causing revenues to plummet.

"It's way to late to save Tiger Woods," said Professor Percy Melville, head of Craniology at BU, "but we hope to find out the source of this problem before it affects the PBA and the WPGA. Rugby and Cricket are now lost causes, but we could limit the further spreading of this insidious virus, and at least save a few of these 'brain dead' athletes from themselves before more damage is done."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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