Written by Morse
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Saturday, 19 December 2009

image for New Gal Pals Elin & Jessica Caught Shopping for Sex Toys: Tiger & Tony 'Redundant?'
New Bargis Tryhol Dildo Needs Nuclear Power to Drive Love Piston!

New Gal Pals Elin Woods and Jessica Simpson were caught unabashedly shopping for a variety of sex toys in a high end Rodeo Drive Adult Store just 6 days before Christmas, apparently insuring that Santa will come early for the blonde bombshells.

The recently liberated Swedish nanny and bathing suit beauty, who doffed her wedding rings and moved out of golf icon Tiger Woods' home along with her two young children, after the swinger was linked to a horde of hotties now numbering one more than a baker's dozen, smiled gayly at reporters, and true to her nationality was frank in her assessment of her marital situation.

"It's his loss," she said. "We're very liberal in our sexual practices in Sweden, mostly because it's so cold and we need to keep our blood warm. All he had to do was ask, and I would have spanked him, tied him up, pissed on him, even stuffed those long range soft landing balls up his ass, if that's what he needed to relax. But no...he had to go out and get those things done with those Bimbos...and pay them hush money on top of that....ridiculous to go out for hamburger when you have filet mignon at home!"

Siding up to her new buddy, Jessica Simpson concurred. "Right on Girl Friend,' she purred. "Look at Tony...since he dumped me he trips over his feet when scrambling, can't complete a pass, and from what I heard has a hard time getting it up anymore....he should have stuck with a winner...and that be me, Dude!"

Ms. Woods indicated she would be leaving soon for the isolation and privacy of her newly purchased log home on a remote island in Sweden. "The nights are long, cold and lonely," she purred whistfully, 'but I'll have a few new friends," she added nodding coyly at her sex toy collection.

The naturally enhanced Elin, and the surgically enhanced Jessica, both produced their life like dildos....Elin had a white one, Jessica took the Mocha one, and wagged them provocatively in the face of this journalist.

"Better to know the dick you have, then worry where the other one has been!' they said in unison, giggling girlishly.

Wishing them a happy holiday season, which seemed assured based on their arm load of items guaranteed to keep them smiling, this reporter left them perusing, ooohing and ahhhing over the latest arrival at the shop; the Bargis Tryhol Signature Numbered Edition Dildo guaranteed to produce orgasms in the range of 10.7 on the Richter Scale, and needing more lithium batteries than a high performance golf cart.

Waving goodbye while handling their newest purchase, the girls said again in unison..."DON'T WORRY...WE WON'T BE LEAVING HOME WITHOUT IT!"

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