Written by Gordo Plenty
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Topics: Christmas, Santa, elves

Saturday, 19 December 2009

image for Elves Vow To Strike
One of the southern elves

North Pole - Stanislaw Ladvigdar, President of E.L.F. Local 212, stated that the elves have been working under the same contract for the last 300 years and if a new contract isn't offered by midnight tonight, they are going to go on strike.

The Elvish Labor Front was brought into being on November 10, 1709.

'Before E.L.F. began to stand up for us it was a living hell up here. No bathroom breaks, inadequate tools and working conditions. I hadn't even seen a pay check for 14 years', says Igor Svensson, an elf in the Electronics Department.

The current contract has no expiration date. It grants that the elfs are persons and deserve certain inalienable rights, such as the right to go to the bathroom at least 2 times during the work day and the right to be paid a fair wage for labor performed.

The current rate of pay is S3.00 per hour ( 1 Santa dollar = $0.001 US dollar)

The elves are busy making placards in their spare time, just in case.

The elves want their workday cut from 18 hours to 12 hours. They also want a pay raise to S10.00 per hour and they also want to get rid of the Santa Discipline Room.

How is Santa taking all of this? Find out in a recent magazine article.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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