Written by Morse
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Friday, 18 December 2009

image for Michelle Obama: Tiger Did Not Twitter Me!
Ace of Spades Trumps Queen of Spades Every Time, Unless Queen is WILD!

Press Secretary Robert Gibbs announced today in an emergency press conference, that the first lady emphatically denied being Twittered by International Lover and Golf Icon Tiger Woods.

Gibbs read a statement from the first lady to a group of stunned journalists after tabloid articles hinted that Michelle Obama and Woods had carried out a torrid phone sex affair, including pictures, since the inauguration.

Independent attempts to verify the allegations have met with stonewalling from various internet phone providers, but it has been confirmed that the first lady's mobile phone has been disconnected by direction of Obama's attorney general, Eric Holder, under the Homeland Security Act.

The first lady's statement read in part: "While I had previously supported and admired Mr. Woods, prior to the time I didn't support and admire him, I resent the implications put out by irresponsible journalists that my relationship with Mr. Woods was anything more than idle curiosity concerning his prowess on the golf course. I did not, nor do I now, have any interest in learning anymore about Mr. Woods alleged proficiencies in various rooms in his house, yacht, car, or behind a dumpster at a pancake house."

Gibbs concluded the press conference saying he would take no questions, and that he hoped responsible journalists would back off the story and give the first family privacy during this stressful time.

On a related note, it was announced that this weeks "Wednesday Night Movies at the White House", hosted by Michelle, would be the recently re released 1949 Classic 'Queen of Spades' in which a lady sells her soul to the devil in order to improve her contract bridge abilities and routinely convert a 7 no trump bid.

"That's a lot of tricks" one gobsmacked reporter was heard to mutter as he was ushered out of the press conference,"I guess 14 tricks would be considered completing 'the grand slam'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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