As if things weren't bad enough for golf's former King of Swat, reports are now leaking out from the divorce camp of Tiger Woods' wife, Elin, that grounds for divorce will claim his skills are diminishing due to his inability to recover from 'a bad lie', and even more damning, that the proliferate swinger may be guilty of 'littering.'
Hints of diverse 'love childs' are now beginning to rival that of Barack Hussein Obama, Sr., the itinerant goat herder and socialist who was not shy in 'sharing the wealth' of his gene pool around the globe as he made conquests amongst the unenlightened impressed with his oraltory skills. (ed note: play on words...no pun intended)
One of Tiger's lover's, though rather long in the tooth at 46, claims her 7 year tryst with Woods resulted in a 6 year old child, is now claiming she is entitled to over $2m in restitution. The issue is somewhat clouded as she also admitted to having an intimate affair with a 6'9" serbian basketball player at the same time.
The jury seems to still be out on this one, as a local pediatrician, who has seen the child says he has a slight tan that could be due to the Florida sun, and that while he is undersized for his age, he does have a 'huge hyper active penis.'
Divorce lawyers are said to have subpoenaed Jessica Simpson to try and recover a sample of Tiger's DNA from her right ear after reviewing a recent photo shoot where Tiger, Simpson, and Tony Romo participated in a celebrity
'three some', allegedly for charity. In the photo Tiger is seen with his arm around Simpson nuzzling her ear, while Romo looks on smiling.
Simpson, through her publicist said plainly, " I did not have sex with that man, Mr. Tiger Woods....at least I don't think so, but it was kind of crazy that night after we did shots before Tony's last playoff game!"
Tiger Woods' Make a Wish Foundation has been disbanded. After all, what can you give a guy who's had everyone!