Written by Helen Tarnation
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Sunday, 13 December 2009

image for Copenhagen evacuated amid onslaught of climate zombies
Bitten by the undead, she demands global cooling

DENMARK - WRITHERS AGENCY - Danish officials have announced a 'crash campaign' to completely evacuate the city of Copenhagen, when flesh-eating zombies invading the city proved too much for riot police.

'Downtown Copenhagen is Hell on Earth', said one police official.

'Sure, we had problems with protesters and rioters, but when the zombies started eating the protesters and rioters, we knew it was going bad, fast.'

Said another police official: 'The protesters and rioters are hardened from years of personal assault. When we saw them falling under the waves of flesh-eating, inhuman automatons, we knew the only option was to retreat.'

Al Gore did not quickly reach the same conclusion.

'These people are climate refugees', he said. 'Just as I forecast, thousands, if not millions, would flee their decaying environments.'

It is feared that the 'climate zombies' came to Denmark because of the cold.

'Zombies quickly succumb to putrescence and general rotting', said Dr. Benjamin ben-Zamir, a researcher with the International Institute of Refrigeration. 'Though they are effectively dead, they still know instinctively that a cold environment will preserve their dead flesh for a bit longer.'

Some suggested that global warming might rid the Earth of the zombie scourge.

'That is not the answer', said Dietrich Fjord-Hannussonn, spokesperson for the Nordic division of Greenprice International. 'Scientists have proved that a warm Earth is bad.'

Military personnel are not arguing any points, and moving persons who 'appear normal' to holding areas for later processing.

Members of the World Rainforest Foundation for Cooler Rainforests That Are Nicer (WRFCRTAN) refused to evacuate.

'These climate refugees are our brethren and sistren', said a spokesperson. 'We cannot abandon them in their time of need.'

Officials said that delegates from the WRFCRTAN were swiftly dismembered and consumed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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