Written by Aisubeki Akiudo
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Friday, 11 December 2009

image for Nelson Mandela Bites Off His Balls
Messrs 'Cigar-In-Pussy' & 'Balls-In-Mouth'

(Defecated News) The Former President of South Africa was yesterday rushed into hospital after what doctors described as 'a self-inflicting injury '

Mr Mandela was found on his bathroom floor last night by his nephew Bernard.

"He was lying on the floor in his pyjamas, but his trousers were down. His head was between his knees, and the floor was covered in blood. It also looked liked he had soiled himself. When I turned him over, he had blood around his mouth and his balls between his teeth. He looked me in the eye, twitching, while humming the national anthem ", he added.

It is believed the self-mutilation was caused by an acute psychosis, possibly related to reading online news site The Spoof!

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