Written by P.M. Wortham
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Thursday, 10 December 2009

image for Energizer Bunny Replaces Rudolph on Santa's Sleigh
EB, without the shades and bass drum

Retained at the North Pole Neurological clinic for the past two weeks, doctors are still unable to rectify the electrical impulse problems with Rudolph's nose. As a contingency, Santa has contracted with the Energizer Bunny to provide "light guided" services for the duration of this year's Christmas Eve flight.

"We just don't know what is causing the neuron misfire", says Doctor Elfin Maggik, "Rudolph's will is there, but the nose just won't light". After two solid weeks of CT scans and electrical impulse testing on key parts of Rudolph's nervous system, doctors had advised Santa of the lack of progress. "It was then we suggested going with another soft and fuzzy character that could do the job", says Maggik.

Engineers at the North Pole labs are working with "EB" to retrofit forward looking LED lights in place of his now famous bass drum. While also suggesting a full costume change to something more suited to flight, engineers were unable to convince the bunny to cough up his horn rimmed sunglasses.

"It's all good", Santa exclaimed. "We will solve our headlight problem this year and hope that Rudolph can come back in 2010. We also know it will be hard for EB to kick the magic dust habit cold turkey, so we've packed him a little bag for use after Christmas. Once you fly for real, it's hard to get that monkey off your back."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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