Written by Morgan Truce
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Thursday, 2 September 2004

image for George W. Bush Goes Shopping at Georgetown Park Mall
Caught on mall security camera tape...

WASHINGTON (AP) President George W. Bush has been spotted at a shopping mall trying to blend in with ordinary shoppers. Presidential advisor Karl Rove said this morning that President Bush was trying to avoid the mistakes his father made during his re-election bid. The elder George Bush lost many votes when it was discovered that he had no idea what a supermarket scanner was! "We have the President learning all about shopping, but didn't want the press following him everywhere--- so we disguised him a little. Actually, we had one of those Hollywood makeup artists work him over a little. When they got done with him, I hardly recognized him; I thought he looked kind of…er… attractive in a strange sort of way. I mean…"

At the nearby upscale Georgetown Park shopping mall, several sales clerks reported mysterious sightings of a shopper who looked very familiar. Leslie Van Houten, a sales associate at Victoria's Secret said, "This morning this woman came in and wanted to try on some of our sale items, but when I asked her about her size, she didn't have a clue! Later on we had a big commotion back in our dressing rooms, and I had to call security when several of our customers complained than some weird looking man was asking them questions about how bras worked."

At Cecile Jeanne Paris, owner Paris Hilton said that a strange woman wanted to make change for a hundred dollar bill, "…but she didn't want to buy anything! She had a whole stack of brand new $100 bills. I thought they might have been counterfeit, so I called the police. She ran out the door before they came, but I think we have a good picture of her on the security camera."

Frances Hurricane, a customer in the J. Crew store, said that she thought she saw a woman who looked like President Bush! "There was this ‘person' who was looking for sweaters… I could have sworn it was the President, but it was a woman! I'm very confused now."

Georgetown Park security chief Larry Indian would not comment much other than to say, "I received a phone call from Laura Bush asking that I not talk to reporters about this whole thing."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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