Written by P.M. Wortham
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Topics: Santa, Reindeer

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

image for Santa's Reindeer Still in Psychotherapy

With zero hour approaching and Christmas only days away, the North Pole Health Services have yet to release Mr. Kringle's primary sleigh team from their mandatory counseling and treatment program.

Forced into the program after numerous reports of law breaking or other strange Reindeer behavior, the North Pole Superior Court ruled that the sleigh team must pass sanity, traffic safety, public health and sobriety tests before they will be allowed back on the streets of the Pole or up in the air.

Though Santa could not be reached for comment, representatives tell reporters that he is concerned for the welfare of his reindeer team and wants them to "just get healthy". While contingency plans are being drafted for an alternate team, the primary group is expected to complete counseling and therapy sessions in time for the big day. Specific offenses were published in the local news and are as follows:

Dasher: Nude streaking through public streets and venues
Dancer: Unlawful table top dancing, hoof damage to hardwood floors.
Prancer: Illegal homosexual activity, providing services for money
Vixen: Prostitution, cavorting with known criminals, canoodling
Comit: Speeding in school zones, reckless flying
Cupid: Multiple marriage-for-money schemes
Donner: Theft from fashionable clothing and shoe stores
Blitzen: Public drunk and disorderly conduct

North Pole courts are scheduled to review each case on December 23rd to determine fitness for return to reindeer society. Hoof bracelets may be ordered to keep the reindeer electronically tethered to their barn.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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