Written by Morse
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Topics: Tiger Woods

Sunday, 6 December 2009

image for Tiger Quits PGA: Claims He's Moving to NBA Where Morals Clause More Relaxed and Booty is Better!
Tiger Moving On: Claims PGA is for 'Pussies!'

A spokesman for Tiger Woods announced today that the golfing icon with the firm putter and flawless stroke, was moving on to the NBA after a poll in Golf Magazine said he wouldn't be welcomed back on the links of any private club employing young, nubile females.

"The risk is just too great, " said a PGA spokesman," our sport, made up of mostly conservative white athletes and a few token Asians, can not afford to put the girls behind the counter in the pro shops and restaurants at risk of being seduced by the 'biggest hitter' on the tour."

Wood's PR manager said Tiger would soon sign a mega contract with a major big city NBA team and would come off the bench as a 'point guard' in a fast break offense. "He's a little weak at defense currently," said one talent evaluator,"but he's getting some mentoring lessons from Ron Artest, Kolbe Bryant and Allen Iversen, and some further counseling in off court sexual scoring from Magic Johnson.

In related basketball news, it was also announced that Woods had enough former mistresses come out of the closet, five (5), and that he had also
bought into the WBA with his own 'starting' five, with additional bench strength expected to be emerging soon as his sex life unravels in the tabloids.

Wags said Woods now had 5 hot Bonkers to start the team, but that 'The Tiger Woods Bonkettes', said to be the touring answer of the Harlem Globe Trotters wasn't going to work:

According to a UK lawyer,' The Bonkettes is a copyrighted name already taken for a touring rock group promoted by Sports Announcer Skoob 1999.

Secondly, Tiger's starting team was all white...which according to a recent poll taken in Detroit, was a bad market ploy already being attacked by Reverends Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and even by President Obama, his ownself.

Insiders say Obama was forced to come out on the topic due to threats by wife Michelle, who is said to have recently banned 3 more hot looking presidential aides to Venezuela due to wasting the President's time on the WH basketball court playing spirited rounds of 'Horse'.

Sports co-anchor Erin Andrews, teamed with Skoob 1999 on the Soccer Channel, said she was eager to talk with Woods, and discuss his transition from 'little balls' to 'the real big ones! "I bet it's really hard," the blonde bombshell said, " but with his equipment, I sure he's up for it!"

With Tiger leaving the PGA ranks, John Daley moved up to number 401 on the pro list and when contacted was more than happy: "I''ll drink to that!" he reportedly slurred before being carted off to rehab.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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