A new pill that is cheap and guaranteed not to make you gain weight has been banned by a U.S. Public Health Agency.
"There have been thousands of reports already", stated Jean Radcliffe, a spokesperson for the Bradshaw Organization and a retired hospital emergency room nurse.
"We're getting reports from hospitals everywhere, from 47 different states as their ads on the internet sounded too good to be true, and of course, was!"
When asked about lawsuits Radcliffe told us that there would probably be none as the pill did what the ads claimed.
She also stated that there were no real injuries as far as she knew.
"What the pill does is expand your hoohaw when you pee as a lot of wives do before sex. That's when the pill, which has soaked up a lot of liquid, mostly blocks the uh..entrance. There's no way to have sex then. So I guess you could say that it is a birth control pill. However, it does allow you a little room to pee and only lasts for about four hours."
Apparently the pill works much like those expanding bulk pills that serve as fiber and make you feel full so you don't eat and lose weight.
Most of these have been banned also as they have swollen up in people's throats after they couldn't get them all the way down.
As of this morning, the pills have been pulled from drugstore shelves.
China has offered to accept any returned as they say they are working fine there and everyone has enough money that their people can purchase them.
"And it lasts four hours?"
"Sometimes longer. We've had couple's in the emergency room where they're both over four hours and very frustrated. Funny how that works out. I wonder if fake Viagra is made in China?"