Philadelphia, PA-- A lonely South Philadelphia man married the Queen of Hearts in a civil ceremony at City Hall yesterday. Mayor Nutter married the happy couple himself. Antony Rigatoni, 53, says he fell in love with his Queen many years ago while playing Solitaire. The couple plan to live in a house of cards.
The Queen of Hearts was dressed in red for the happy wedding. She is a recent widow. Her husband killed himself with a sword in a bizarre suicide ritual last year. The Queen's son, Jack, acted as Best Man. The Queen of Spades was the Maid of Honour. All the other Jacks served as ushers. All the other cards came to the wedding except the Ace of Spades. That card always brings bad luck.
Mayor Nutter hailed the union as a step forward in basic human rights.
"Sexual attraction to inanimate objects is quite common. Let us never use that slur word 'fetish' ever again. There's no reason marriage between loving couples, of whatever race or suit, cannot take place." said the nut.
The proud groom says he plans to take his bride to Atlantic City for a little gambling.
"I just hope I don't lose her at the poker table." he said.