NEW YORK, NY - Governor Pataki confirmed rumors that the Statue of Liberty had left her pedestal and was breast stroking across open ocean in protest of New York's hosting of the Republican Convention.
Negotiations broke down late in the week when the Statue refused to welcome delegates for a tour of her facility. Despite offers of a sea bird early warning system designed to deflect bird droppings by using fully automatic nuclear missiles to intercept the droppings before they could hit the statue, Miss Liberty stood firm and remained adamant that the republicans should not be welcomed.
Spotter planes are trailing the massive Statue as she heads out through the open ocean. Intelligence officials now believe that she is heading towards Boston Harbor to join the Tea Party Ship and fear the consequences should the two radicals join forces. If necessary, the government has verified, the rogue monuments will be dealt with harshly and National Guard units have been placed on alert.
John Ashcroft, speaking from the White House, announced that statues across the United States would be fully investigated and those with leftist leanings will be deported.
President Bush scoffed at the defection of the Statue of Liberty and blamed the French government. Bush admitted that the Bush administration had requested the French intervene, but the French sent back a commuique praising the Statue for defending the ideals of liberty in which she was originally cast.
A source close to the Bush campaign admitted that officials highly placed in the republican party have long considered the Statue to be a danger because of her French origins and her long standing "unmarried" status. Indeed, in a recent commercial running in States where the outcome of the election remains uncertain, other statues have accused the Statue of Liberty of being a closeted lesbian out to disrupt the morality of the country.
President Bush, the source of numerous protests on the streets of New York as the convention opens, decried the manipulation of the populace to disrupt an honored American tradition. "It just ain't American," Bush told reporters, "to diagree with your government when we're at war."
When questioned further, President Bush conceded that, "You just had to know it would be a French Statue that would raise all this ruckus."