Written by Jalapenoman
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Wednesday, 2 December 2009

Director Roman Polanski will leave jail Friday on $4.5 million dollars in bail ($1.5 million dollars for each bodily orifice through which he raped a 13 year old girl). Polanski will then be expected to remain at his Gstaad chalet to await word on whether or not he will be extradited to America for trial for his crimes.

Swiss police and courts have announced that Polanski has "promised not to flee our jurisdiction and hid out in another country. Even though he has been doing this for over 30 years, we don't think he'll do it again and that it is not in his nature."

In a related story, the Swiss courts have reported that they just purchased the Brooklyn Bridge, the Eiffel Tower, and the Great Pyramid and that they are eagerly awaiting the appearance of Santa Claus.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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