A Hull man masquerading as an English teacher in the Thai capital of Bangkok found himself in a rather embarrassing predicament this week when, during a visit to a friend's home, he was forced to use the host's toilet for a Number 2 - and blocked it!
The man, who shall remain nameless - for it was I - tried desperately to nip his cheeks in, in order to save the crap until he got home, but to no avail.
As relentless and unforgiving as an ocean tide, the shit made its way from the man's intestine to his digestive tract, and thence to his rectum, causing him so much agony, that he was duty bound to remove it, and 'splashdown' - an event not unlike dropping an elephant from a helicopter into a swimming pool - took place at around 1900 hours, local time.
According to a report from the plumber who was subsequently called out to deal with the monster, almost 42 cubic metres of water were displaced by the impact, and the carpet will stink forever. The curtains, which received splashes, also had to be washed.
The coastguard has been alerted.