Written by Nick Hobbs
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Sunday, 29 November 2009

image for Tiger Woods Mystery Car Crash Explained
FORE! Long drive to the next planet.

The questions surrounding the mystery of Tiger Woods' car accident may have moved closer to being answered.

Woods wife, Elin Nordegren, has stated she believes her husband has been abducted by aliens, and the man who she found unconcious on the road by the crashed car, is infact a form changing alien from the N'gontaq planet in the galaxy of Lafraqueria.

"I first noticed the little things, he was more talkative, more thoughtful," said Nordegren, "then I realised, Tiger is in the stars somewhere, the man in my house is not Tiger. He acts so different, he has so much more charisma and personality than my Tiger."

Nordegren claims M'zregtuab is a being from another planet that has taken her husband's place on Earth.

"I know what they want from Tiger," said Nordegren, "apparently golf is a big past time on N'gontaq, but there is a serious lack of golf schools up there. They have handpicked the best of the best to teach them the in depth nuances of the game."

When we questioned Nordegren as to why they have refused to speak to police about the incident, she sums it up easily.

"We have postponed the police interview a couple of times now, because M'zregtuab is having difficulty with his speech decoder," said Elin. "His true speech is a series of squeaks, squawks and clucks. Even in Florida that would be hard to understand."

Rumours that Woods has infact been killed by M'zregtuab and the alien is wearing his skin, hence the cuts to the face, have been dismissed by Nordegren.

"I spoke to my Tiger on the 'phone last night," she said, "he's happy and talkative, but want's me to ship his clubs to him, the one's on N'gontaq are not very good quality, and it may also infringe on his sponsorship terms and conditions."

More as we think of it.

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