LONDON: This alien TheSpoof.com reporter has quietly lived among earthlings for many years only to have its cover blown today. Bulgarian scientists claimed publicly that they have known that not only do aliens exist, they are already living among us on Earth.
TheSpoof.com writer shea lo was contacted in the early hours of the morning by the Bulgarian Scientist Forum to publicly come out as one of these aliens or be prepared to face extremely humiliating public exposure.
Scotland Yard, MI5, CIA and the FBI are already providing protective custody to this writer and numerous other well-known secret aliens who provide valuable services to world leaders vis-a-vis their unique knowledge, discerning abilities and highly-evolved brain-power.
The Bulgarians are aware that these aliens on earth or EAS as they are secretly called have centuries old knowledge of brain control and the suppression of testosterone-laden aggression using 11 different herbs and spices.
TheSpoof.com writer shea lo who speaks for all Aliens on Earth said: Humans have nothing to fear from us despite our enlarged brains. We are examples of how highly-evolved humans will look like and behave a million years from now.
Tom Cruise and the Scientologists [whom EAs call 'experiments gone horribly wrong'] are already trying to claim these super-aliens in earthling guise as 'one of their own' but shea lo made it clear: 'EAs belong to a much higher-evolved species and have no connection to simple-minded, grinning simian celebrities'.
Meanwhile Bulgarian scientists have said that they are already in contact with extraterrestrial life and are working on deciphering a complex set of symbols sent to them; adding: "They are not hostile towards us, rather, they want to help us but we have not grown enough in order to establish direct contact with them". Even the Vatican has admitted that aliens exist but is still stuck in "angels and cherubim" mode.
shea lo said: Yes we have the answers to these codes but we will never reveal them to these lowly-evolved humans - now is not the time.
Dan Brown says he is to begin work on his next novel involving the mysteries of these complex symbols and will consult shea lo for assistance.