Geneva, Switzerland-- Scientists switched on the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) for the second time today and they immediately received a very unpleasant shock. The entire 17-mile concrete tunnel was instantly filled to the brim with steaming human feces. The LHC was completely destroyed.
The turds appeared out of nowhere as soon as the unit was switched on. Almost 3 million tons of incredibly rotten smelling feces filled the collider. That is about the same amount of feces produced by the human race in one day. Astonished scientists had no explanation and quickly left the stinking facility holding their noses. There are no plans to repair the $300 billion collider.
The scientists were planning to smash some atoms together in the LHC. They were hoping to find something in the wreckage called the Higgs Boson--the so-called God particle that creates mass. It looks like that secret will remain hidden forever.
"I give up!" said head scientist and astronomer Dr. Karl Saygun. "Maybe the Universe is made of shit! Maybe God just sent us a message." said the depressed scientist as he surveyed the heaps of steamy turds. The silly scientist then pulled out a gun and suddenly shot his brains out.