Written by Bureau
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Topics: Sex, LHC

Monday, 23 November 2009

image for Sex Performance In Europe Threatened By Hadron Collider

People and even animal's sexual performance in Europe has been thrown off, to say the least, and it's spreading around the world, it's cause being blamed on the restart of the Hadron Collider.

The world's most powerful atom smasher had resumed operations after being knocked down for nearly 14 months.

The restart has apparently brought a lot of side effects and is almost imposible to stop, and not unlike sex, once it really gets going it's hard to stop.

Couples all over Europe are calling in on Talk Shows that have now reached the United States.

"I was in top form and just got it into second gear when the lights blew! What I mean, of course -didn't know it wasn't a family show, 'I' BLEW!" stated one of thousands of call-ins.

"I believe it's the collider. For two minutes we were colliding, but then the circuits blew. I usually last for at least three minutes, sometimes four if the old lady falls asleep."

"However", he continued, "When I blew, I blasted such a stream that I woke her up."

Reports are coming in from Hawaii so that it has hit all the way across Asia and out into the Islands. People are extremely frustrated.

"It's even here at the zoo", reported one worker from a park in Kenya (So it's reached Africa).

"The monkeys were dancing horizontally & immediately 'POP' goes the male monkey and the female monkey has been throwing shit at him all day."

The collider, if proved to be the reason, may speed things up even more. I just took a pee and thar she blows! Men in Poland are now saying they can hardly walk after several episodes while they were trying to work outside and a woman walked by the site.

In Belgium, one lady is sprawled on the sidewalk face first, ocassionally bouncing up into the air and moaning. This is getting worse.

"The Ummmmmooohhh thing must be Ummmmmoooohhhh shut off completely", stated Secretary of State Clinton!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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