President Barack Obama, just back from his trip from...whoa! Something's shaking! Obama says he has received a lot of good news from both the Japanese and the Chinese over our national debt.
"In a face-to-face conference in both Tokyo and Beijing, their leaders and I....I can't read this teleprompter with all that shaking going on. Go see if somebody's running a jackhammer out there."
"Now...leaders....debt.....Oh, here we are The leaders and I have decided...beeeeeeeeep!"
"This is Charles Gibson in New York, according to reports coming out of Europe, the Large Hadron Collider has been slicing up the planet now for over"
We interrupt this message for this important news update:
"Yes, you heard it right folks. Believe it or not, Oprah is closing her daytime show after 25 years. I know it's hard to believe but..."
"The earth has been sliced down to the level of 100 feet. There have been earth quakes in...
"about this health care package that we MUST.."
"I have simply grown tired of the everyday show I..."