New York Tabloids are agog at recently released E-mails hacked from 52 year old Cougar, CBS News Anchor Katie Couric, as she desperately attempts to increase sagging ratings by 'shagging' 2012 Presidential Dark Horse Bargis Tryhol for an intimate, in depth interview!
While the E-mails have not been confirmed, AP has 24 fact checkers on the case as we speak, it appears that the desperate Couric, now prone to haunting 30 something bars in Soho on the look out for young studs, has become fixated with the the Florida Native Son, and current mayor of Appalachacola, Bargis Tryhol, winner of the Congressional Medal of Honor during the Viet Nam War, and just incidentally, known as the Man with the World's Largest Penis .
Tryhol recently was measured by staff at the Guinness Book of World Records, only because Massachusetts Senator John Kerry had been claiming that he, and he alone, was the biggest swinging dick on the national political scene, an alleged fact sworn to by House Banking Chairman Barney Frank, a recognized connoisseur in Democratic Circles.
After a brief short arm inspection, Kerry was labeled by Dr. Victor Nicholas, representing the US Surgeon General, as 'merely a pretender," and in the words of the formerly famous Israeli statesman Golda Meir, " a mere Putz!"
A recent poll showed that Couric, the former NBC "Today" host, can count on both fingers and toes her nightly viewers, and has even been surpassed by court jester Keith Olbermann. Rumours are circulating that CBS exec are contemplating cutting their losses and pairing her up with disgraced anchor Dan Rather on a Reality Show set in Somalia tentatively named, "Bugger these White Lying Journalists".
A Spokesman for the 'Bargis for President' movement did admit that Couric had sent several 'suggestive, desperate, pleading' E-mails to the potential candidate forcing Mr. Tryhol to request, and obtain, a restraining order from the local courts against Ms. Couric.
Following are some of the edited E-Mails provided by an anonymous Source Close to CBS and Ms. Couric:
Couric: Mr Tryhol, I underwent a colonoscopy on national TV in March of 2000.
Would you be willing to undergo a proctology exam on my show in order to promote Gay Marriage?
Tryhol: Are you Shittin' me!
Couric: Mr. Tryhol, you're a native of Florida, in close proximity to Cuba, does that make you an expert on foreign affairs, and can you see Gitmo from your bathroom window?
Couric: Has the fact that you are known as the man with the world's largest penis been an impediment in your professional and political career?
Tryhol: Not if you consider the Prick currently in office who doesn't know how to use his.
Couric: I expect to be in Florida doing a promo at Disney, do you think we could get together and firm up the possibility of a one on one?
Tryhol: If you think you're up to it....I heard that your a bit of a tight C****
according to my good friend Sara Palin.
Couric: Oh, Mr. Tryhol, don't believe everything your hear, I'm sure you will find me able to loosen up around someone with your stature!
Tryhol: Send me some nude pix, preferably AFTER the boob job, and we'll talk about it. Maybe we'll do lunch.....your treat!
Couric: I'm not a vegetarian you know....I love rare meat!
Tryhol: Eat Me! It'll make a new woman of you...it might even help your ratings!