Written by P.M. Wortham
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Topics: Sex, Santa, Rudolph

Thursday, 19 November 2009

image for Rudolph Caught with Mrs. Claus, Santa Pissed
Claus, Still Pissed With Fornicating Wife

Busy finishing his list and then checking it twice, Santa Claus, figurehead of some Western commercial holiday notoriety, caught one of his employees doing the Christmas shuffle with his wife in the back of his Sleigh.

Shocked then infuriated, Claus was seen by local Elves returning to the scene of the tryst with shotgun in one hand, dragging a bait block and salt lick with the other. Reportedly tipped off by a befriended elf, Rudolph had gotten a two minute running start into the woods before Santa had returned.

"I figured you would run off!" Santa had screamed after opening the barn door. He was seen leaving the deer bait and salt block underneath a mature stand of Pines, then returning to deal with the "apparently oversexed" Mrs. Claus. "How dare you!" Claus was heard to yell.

"You're never home, you're always at work, playing with lists and little people. I STILL HAVE NEEDS! Rudy fills them nicely." She exclaimed. "So it's Rudy now is it?" Santa replied. "Why I'll show that little Bambi who runs the roost around here. Wait until he comes back for a nibble. He'll be my next wall trophy."

Just then Santa noticed what appeared to be a small red bulb sitting on the bench next to Mrs. Claus. "What is this?" he demanded. Mrs. Claus hesitated, then said, "The boys in the electrical department made a few new attachments for Rudolph's nose socket. Let's just say that Rudy's nose has other talents besides a red glow."

Later that night after Santa retired to a separate room in the residence, witnesses saw Mrs. Claus outside followed by a faint vibrating sound coming from the trees near the barn. Mrs. Claus was heard to say, "Rudy with your nose delight, won't you ride my legs tonight?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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