The Venezuelan Federales are on the look out tonight for a rogue stalker calling himself "Banana Boy" and exposing himself to unsuspecting tourists on the last free space in Venezuela where residents can legally express themselves.....the Nude Beach!
The latest incident involves advertising legend Chiquita Banana, a well preserved body of work who first debuted in 1940 as the spokesman for the import/export firm of Chiquita Bananas.
Chiquita is now living a well tanned life in Venezuela as a guest of the head Narco Banana in the Southern Hemisphere, Hugo Chavez, older brother and mentor of none other than Barry Hussein Obama...socialist brothers with other mothers, but from the same randy gene pool of the itinerant goat herder, Obama, Sr., informally known as the 'Impregnator' and sometimes as the head 'Chupacabra', or pussy sucker.
Ms Chaquita was almost speechless, but not quite, when confronted by the stalker. Now looking more like Xaier Cougat that his former wife, Cha Cha, never the less Ms. Chaquita still had a set of pipes on her.
"At first he startled me, " she said coyly, " but when I made a move to grab is chingedera, the bastard ran away!" She said she is anxious to press charges against anybody.
The modus operandi of the Perp now popularly known as 'Banana Boy', is to pose as an ignorant Cabana Peon, setting up cabanas for the guests at the beach and offering cool drinks and sensuous massages.
Sometime during his marketing spiel his raggedy ass "Hang Ten" shorts do just that, exposing his surging member to an unsuspecting nudist, most of whom, unless they are on a 'fly and rent' sex vacation from California, react in horror.
By the time a state employed beach patrol officer responds, 'Banana Boy' has skipped off into the surrounding jungle leaving no trace.
DNA samples painstakingly collected from several saturated beach blankets tourists used to fend him off, seem to point to a disgraced former Army Colonel, Hector Ramierez Puchaco, AKA Colonel Juan, thought to have fled to
the UK soon after Chavez nationalized the porn industry and put the Colonel effectively out of business.
Reports of the Colonel keep popping up on international internet sites where he keeps reinventing himself. The last known recording of his existence was on the Spoof.Com where he held himself out as a happily married pussy whipped man with at least one child, despite forays into the occult, pedophilia, and a penchant for Michael Jackson Memorabilia.
Retired master criminologist Inspector Morse, now retired but dealing with cold cases, claims that Banana Boy AKA the Colonel will soon be caught.
"Wankers like him can't keep it up forever....he can't hide, he's radioactive, I suspect we'll find him nodding off in a rest room somewhere....and that'll be that...they'll probably want to try him in New York City, and they're welcome to him....BASTARD!"