Somali Basin - (Crackers): The Singapore-operated MV Mother Theresa 666 was carrying President Kim Jong Very Ill's entire 2010 recreational supply when the mothership struck.
The 22,294 deadweight tanker was seized near Mahe during a covert nocturnal rendezvous with Brunei princeling Prince Jefri Archer's eponymous Tits! ocean-going yacht.
A spokesman for the Navfor EU naval patrol farce said they were probing claims up to 28 North Koreans have beeen taken hostage.
"So far there's been no ransom demand," the Navfor spokesman commented, "but a hostage swap for Susan Boyle is not entirely unexpected."
CIA investigators meanwhile were probing the tanker's background after discovering its ownership is based in Richard Branson's Virgin Islands.
"Could be a rogue competitor for the Branson lunar franchise," a NASA analyst commented.
"These space trade routes are notoriously fiendish."