Written by Trip Nasti
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Topics: Santa

Sunday, 15 November 2009

image for A drunk and depressed Santa threatens to throw himself off two foot snow drift
In happier times

It seems that the global economic downturn has affected more than just our high street stores and hot dog vendors.

In scenes never witnessed before by mankind, a drunk and penniless Santa Clause stood swaying atop a two foot high snow drift, threatening to jump to his almost certain embarrassment.

Witnesses claim to have heard Santa referring to his work force as, "A bunch of work shy, good for nothing leaches", and of his accountant, "That evil piece of **** with his **** ****** ***** **** and **** **** in ******** as he ******!"

A tearful young bystander said she heard Santa say, "They will all just have to get F****** coal this year and F****** like it the little C**ts!"

Emergency services gathered at the bottom of what is now known as, 'Santa's Drift', to try and talk him down and offer support.

After a fairly mediocre stand off the pickled St Nick was lead away by health care officials to the nearby North Bi-Polar research and development centre and day spa. There, the down in the dumps Santa will be treated for depression and sherry addiction, with the aim of getting that old guys belly wobbling like a bowl full of jelly in time for Christmas.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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