Father Christmas alias Santa has given a world-wide exclusive interview from his Igloo somewhere in melting Greenland wishing to clear all doubts about his sexuality!
Santa invited Bizarre reporters from the Sun but they were to busy chasing Cheryl Cole and Jordan so Jaggedone decided to send his intrepid CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) reporter, WANKIN WALRUS (son of the Icelandic Banker "B(j)orn Korruptasson and BJORK, very screwed up Icelandic Singer) to the press conference, here his report:
"I Father Christmas am not a Paedophile, never was and never will be, in fact I'm TRISEXUAL!"
"I do love Kiddies bouncing on my lap and admit sometimes having hot flushes between my thighs but this is only due to my appearances in warmer countries."
"Actually, over the last 2000 years Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer and me have had several love affairs. In the dark, lonely days in my igloo we often find comfort and certainly need the body warmth."
"I also love my male Dwarfs, we kill time between January/December and packing presents by having kinky Gay sessions, but now I'm getting too old and bending so low has become a problem!"
"At Christmas time I become hetro and look forward to kissing, bedding and shagging half-pissed Mummies before I leave to go back to my daily life in the Igloo, HO, HO, HO!"
Frozen stiff, intrepid CIA reporter, Wankin Walrus, has relayed this special Santa "Outing" to the Spoof so Mums and Dads don't have to worry about sending their Kiddie-Winkles to Santa this year!
PS: Wikipedia definition of TRISEXUAL = Hetro + Homo + Beasto!