This morning the CIA announced they had uncovered a plot launched by the republic of China designed to change the balance of world power. It was revealed that recently discovered documents told of a plot to dramatically raise China's rice exports while reducing the I.Q.s of a vast portion of the United States population. The discovery revealed that several U.S. beer makers have been brainwashed into adding rice to their traditional beer recipes. The plan which has spanned several decades pointed to the increased popularity of NASCAR as proof of the plots success.
A Whitehouse spokesman was quoted as saying "We are looking into the situation before it becomes a pandemic, although it may already be too late."
A spokesman for the Republic of China was quoted as saying," You Americans clazy. Not our fault truck sales are up."
A spokesman for the Tall Toad Brewery, a known victim of the plot was quoted as saying "I suspected something was wrong years ago and haven't drunk any since. I still have all my teeth and don't know who Dale Earnhardt is."
A spokesman for the NRA was quoted as saying "There's nothing wrong with it. I have been drinking it for years and - what was I saying?"
The CEO of Budweiser was unavailable for comment.