Written by Hydrogen Balloon
Print this

Thursday, 12 November 2009

image for Vatican Declares Ted Kennedy A Saint
The Pope Hopes He Gets That Videotape Back

Vatican City-- The late Senator Ted Kennedy was officially declared a saint today during a Vatican ceremony. Saint Ted of Chappaquiddick was named patron saint of swimmers. Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are also expected to be named saints by the end of the year.

Pope Benedict XVI decided to waive the five-year waiting period for canonization after the Kennedy Clan showed the pope a videotape. The tape shows the pope wearing a pink, string bikini and grinding his hips to 'Like a Virgin.' That, plus a million dollars in gold, was enough to convince the pope.

The Catholic Church has already assigned duties to the new saint. Drowning swimmers and those trapped under water in cars are encouraged to pray to Saint Ted. The Church warns prayers not to expect too much. Saint Ted was also named the patron saint of the whiskey sour, and other cocktails. Strangely, he was also named the patron saint of boxer shorts.

Saint Ted of Chappaquiddick is always to be pictured in a drunken stupor. Pious Catholics are urged to place a tumbler of whiskey and a lighted candle in front of any image of this new saint.

Make Hydrogen Balloon's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 1 multiplied by 4?

6 1 5 4
56 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience on our website, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more