Notorious, cave-dwelling villain Osama Bin Laden has broken a long silence to express his fury over "Jedward" beating his personal favourite, Lucie Jones, to stay in X-factor.
"This is what happens when you give everybody the right to vote. Jedward should have never even passed their first audition. Just as I thought they were finally going out Simon cops out and takes it to a public vote? ITS OBVIOUS MORE PEOPLE WOULD VOTE FOR JEDWARD, THEY JUST WANT TO ANNOY THE SERIOUS FANS, BY KEEPING THOSE TWO CLOWNS IN. I'm going to gun butt them and Simon Cowell with my AK-47 if we ever cross paths".
It is unknown how or by what means Bin Laden was able to watch X-Factor, but it is thought he has been watching the show via ITV player on his iPhone.
"I only get to watch T.V a couple of hours a week, first Peep Show finished and now this. No more lovely Lucie. I've tried downloading American Dad, but it takes an hour to get one episode, and its £2/Megabyte".
"I really don't know what to do with myself any more. I could really go either way with it. Sometimes I feel like sending everyone an apology tape and asking for forgiveness and a promise they won't kill or arrest me if I come out of hiding. Other times, like when Lucy was voted out, I feel like blowing up the entire planet, especially the part of it where Simon is located".
We await to see what his next move might be.