FORT BENNING, GEORGIA-- The Bush administration received yet another shocking blow today when, it was discovered today that Osama Bin Laden has been in the United States Army this entire time ever since September 11th.
At a press conference in the Pentagon, a blushing and obviously embarassed Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, explained himself. "How were we supposed to know that he would be in the Army?" asked Rumsfeld. "I mean really that's like the last place we would look; I know none of you would have thought of it," he explained.
Our reporters caught up with an Army private that was in Osama Bin Laden's platoon at basic training. "He was a really quiet man and never caused any trouble," said Private Bo Sanderson. "He was always on time for formations and his boots were always shined, so he didn't stick out like some others." "Plus he didn't have his long beard like the pictures always portrayed him to have because they make you shave daily in the Army," said the Army Private.
The capture of Bin Laden came when his unit in Fort Bragg, N.C. was doing a 2 month long field training exercise and Bin Laden and the others weren't able to shower or shave for days.
"It had been about a month and a half into the training and we still had not showered or shaved," explained Army Sergeant Dean McMann. "I thought he looked really familiar after growing his beard out for 6 weeks, but I could not pinpoint who he was." It wasn't until the 8th week until I was like, that's him, now I know who he is!!"
It was then that SGT McMann radio a local Special Forces squad on post to come get this terrorist and hand him over to the FBI, closing out a chapter in the war against terrorism. Osama cooperated real good with the authorities and everything went smoothly.
This will obviouly be a major blow to the already blundering Bush Administration for the lack of homeland security it portrayed. With the election coming up in November, there is no telling what may happen in an already bizarre twist of events thus far.