Ardmore, PA-- A local house cat named Frances has converted to the Roman Catholic religion. The orange tabby is believed to be the first feline to convert to the faith. Frances was baptised today in an afternoon ceremony. She was named after St. Francis of Assisi, patron saint of animals.
Frances put up quite a fight during the baptism. She bit and clawed the priest performing the ceremony when he tried pouring water on her forehead. She also bit and spat at both of her godparents in the bizarre, ancient rite.
It is believed that Frances practiced a form of animism before her conversion. Cats are known devotees of necromancy and Spiritualism. She meowed her promise to give up her paganism and to follow the Church.
Frances will now learn the Catechism and hopes to make her First Holy Communion next year when she turns seven. Frances is very devout and meows the rosary at least once a day. She is looking forward to making her first confession next year and receiving forgiveness for killing hundreds of mice and birds.
The Vatican has expressed total support for Frances, even though she is not human. Pope Benedict XVI is a noted cat-lover and he issued a Papal Bull to the laity to explain the odd conversion.
"We, the Church, welcome our new sister into the fold. We cannot imagine Paradise without cats, and know that Our Heavenly Father approves, and He loves cats very much. We will all rejoice in Heaven with our little furry friends, forever and ever. Amen." said the cat-lover.
The Catholic Church hopes to convert billions of cats to the religion and regain its position as the world's most popular religion.
Muslims are planning their own campaign to convert cats. Mohammed was also a great lover of cats, and it could turn into a big cat-fight.
No one seems interested in converting dogs.