Written by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 4 November 2009

image for Tooth Fairy's Drug Lab Raided by Interpol
The drug queen escapes capture

Reportedly under investigation for years, the Tooth Fairy was arrested and charged with the illegal manufacture and distribution of at least four separate drug substances.

Creating a powdered base of finely ground children's teeth, "TF", as she is known on the streets, would add other ingredients to the mix to yield one of several desired effects. One formulation allowed the user to fly, while another would shrink or enlarge the user on a whim. "This may explain how that Claus character is able to fit down those chimneys or why his overweight reindeer were able to get off the ground", says Interpol Detective, Max E. Paddington. "Even the Fairy herself has been able to fly around the world, shrink in size and sneak into bedrooms undetected. Now that's some good shit."

Good indeed. Global demand for the boutique drugs are on the rise despite the price per gram. Regardless of variation on the drug, prices start at 5,000 Pounds or 1 million US Dollars (given the current exchange rate) for the smallest amount. "Small price to pay for the ability to fly, or sneak into the men's college locker room through a crack in the door", says one Dallas Heiress who only goes by her literary name "Madame Bitters". "And if the boys are willing, a little extra growth dust on the right body part, really makes it a party", says Bitters.

As charges were being prepared against Ms. Fairy, she managed to escape Scotland Yard through ample gaps between the cell bars. Detective Paddington has responded by staking out several children's bedrooms. Missing teeth were courtesy of Paddington's baton.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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