Written by susan allen-rosario
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Topics: Police, Satan

Friday, 13 August 2004

A missing entity report was filed with police today after the wife of Satan reported his disappearance, under suspicious circumstances. "He bought a few souls earlier in the day, and went back to the office to do the paperwork, and never returned." Mrs. Satan went on to say that she called Hell and nobody answered.

Police searched his office for evidence of foul play, but found nothing amiss. "We did find his Satan suit, in it's entirety, neatly hung outside his closet in plain view.

Officers asked family members if Satan received any threatening phone calls or letters lately. "Of course he has, he's the bad guy. Jerry Farwell calls him daily most of the time, just to harass him. Sometimes he calls for requests," they said.

Evildoers say they are lost without his influence. "He can think of ways to screw people that, we can only imagine. He's a genius; he could find a weakness in Fort Knox. It's talent, pure talent."

Some speculate that he may be tired of the job. "He used to work twenty-four hours a day, seven-days a week. Lately, he's been letting others do his dirty work for him; politicians, world leaders, TV evangelists, personal trainers… he just didn't seem to have it in him anymore. It's hard to be the "heavy" all the time."

Last week, it was reported in The Spoof that, "God was leaving town and taking his angels with him." So maybe Satan felt the same way and went too. But he didn't even leave a note. Now that's evil for ya!

Mrs. Satan said her husband loved his job. The sins, the temptations, Wal-Mart, the whole package, and the potlucks! "Can you imagine the feast you can have, when there is no guilt involved?" She admits that she too notice a change.

"When God left, he took all the fun out of it. There was no competition anymore. The whole good-bad thing was gone. I didn't think he would take it this hard… who knew? That relationship, God and Satan, has been going on since the world began. They needed each other for balance and inspiration. One is none without the other."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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