Written by Frank Miller
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Topics: Canada, feet

Friday, 30 October 2009

image for Eighth severed foot washed up in Canada - It's no mystery
Misplaced legs below the knee always end up in Seattle, Washington. That's in America.

The eighth mystery foot washed up on the coast of Canada this week has been traced to a 24 year old English man through extensive DNA profiling.

When interviewed, Mr Peter Mobbs (24, English, funny limp) described the events, "I went out running one day and after about 30 minutes of street pounding I realised that my balance was off and I had the gait of someone slaughtered on Absinthe.

"After stopping to see what the problem was, I noticed that I had no foot on my left leg. I looked around for it but it was gone.

"That happened three years ago."

Professor Paula Killdare from the University of Toronto's department of strange shit explains, "This isn't as weird and spooky as the media is making out. It's not alien abduction, unnecessary surgery or delinquent beavers.

"It seems that magnetic fields and tectonic plate movement, combined with El Nino creates a natural attraction in different parts of the world for specific misplaced body parts.

"In the case of severed feet, they drift for thousands of miles until they reach their destination and get washed up on this beach in Vancouver."

Other Global locations of specific body part attraction include

  • VallĂ©e des reins (Valley of Kidneys), near Noyon in Northern France
  • Ensenada del bazo (Spleen Cove), on the Amalfi Coast, Italy
  • Eyeball Soup (Eyeball Soup), White cliffs of Dover, England
  • Teluk Buah Pelir (The Gulf of Testicles), near Lake Maninjauin in Indonesia

Killdare told us, "If you've misplaced part of your body and you can't find it behind the sofa or under the fridge, chances are that will turn up at one of these places."

The good news for Mr Mobbs is that his foot was remarkably well preserved in the salt water along with the protection of his running shoe; it can easily be re attached.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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