Written by Morgan Truce
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Topics: Death, New York

Tuesday, 10 August 2004

image for Actress Fay Wray - Dead from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome
Fay Wray in 1933

NEW YORK (AP) Seventy-one years after her harrowing experience with one of nature's most awesome creatures, screen legend Fay Wray died in her Manhattan apartment. Death finally came to Fay Wray not far from the Empire State Building where millions of movie viewers watched the young actress get snatched from the window of an upper-story room and carried to the top of the sky scraper by King Kong in 1933. The unwanted attention paid Fay Wray by King Kong, the diving fighter airplanes, and her frightened screams shocked movie audiences over many decades.

Dr. Ruth Westheimer, who had been treating Miss Wray for several years, said, "Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome is what I suspect caused the death of Fay Wray. Many people are frightened to death instantly, but some people just take a little bit longer. I'm not at liberty to discuss all of the details of my former patient, but you can just imagine what sort of effects being manhandled by a crazed monster ape like King Kong would have on a beautiful young actress."

Dr. Ruth

"All through her later life Fay Wray could never stand going to a zoo or watching ‘Wild Kingdom'. She just could not bear going on a date with any man who was even the slightest bit hairy. After that ‘King Kong' movie, she would only date men who were under five feet tall."


Reggie Pease, the doorman at Fay Wray's apartment building, said, "Miss Wray was a very nice woman, but always a little nervous. She insisted on renting one of our basement apartments, and had a number of contractors install multiple layers of steel bars across her windows. She really liked to go shopping, but you could never get her to go down to Macy's or anywhere even near the Empire State Building! Whenever that ‘King Kong' movie would come on television, I would bring Miss Wray a pair of ear muffs so she didn't have to listen to the neighbor's TV sets."

In other related news:

George W. Bush, a very young Air National Guard fighter pilot back in 1933, recalls his efforts to shoot King Kong: "My unit was called upon to shoot that big ape on top of the Empire State Building. It was a very dangerous assignment. Our fighter wing used machine guns against King Kong. I tried to aim very carefully because I did not want to hit Fay Wray (she was quite a babe, you know...) I feel like I should have been awarded at least a Silver Star for my heroism, but all those New York Democrats made damned sure that never happened! Now, this John Kerry guy is claiming he shot Cong ---- Gee whiz! He don't even know how to spell! I'm the pilot that shot King Kong, and I want my Silver Star!" (sniff, sniff)

George W. Bush just before missing his only chance at a Silver Star

Since Fay Wray's death, one male gorilla at the Bronx zoo went into a deep depression and is being treated by a team of veterinarians. "We just can't figure how this gorilla could possibly understand what happened, but it's plain to see: he's just plain miserable!"


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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