VATICAN - Larry King told me the truth about 'balloon boy'. These accounts might not air next week.
The Pope sired 'balloon boy' for the express purpose of raising money for wayward nuns, according to Larry's source, Mother Titsworth, mother of 17 'secret' babies in the Abbey there.
On a special visit to the United States, the Pope sired the child with the understanding that he would be launched into the stratosphere to make alien contact. The plan was to sell the child to the aliens for billions of dollars worth of gold and other elements rare on Earth, but cluttering up the rest of the universe. The aliens would be all too glad to dispose of the space junk, including a 10 ton diamond at the heart of a dead star in the way of a new intergalactic worm hole project. They would use the child in one of their many zoos throughout the universe.
The plan went south when the boy lost his nerve after overdosing on aspartame; he then ran away and hid, foiling the plan. The boy's father de jour then tried to salvage some money by selling the story to Larry King, who paid him twelve dollars for it, leaking it to the press.