Written by Dodger
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Monday, 9 August 2004

image for Canada Extends Olive Branch To Utopians
Paul Martin, PM of Canada

Prime Minister Paul Martin of Canada is extending an olive branch to the Republic of EastCoastHusker and other Utopian nations, after threats of invasion. He offers to cede half of Ontario, Newfoundland, and 17% of the Yukon Territory to the Utopians. Voters from each of the respective provinces had narrowly approved the cession. Quebecois voters rejected a proposal to cede part of the province near Val d'Or if necessary, after MPs from the province called the thought "disgusting and "un-Canadian."

General Dodger of Zion, president of Azzion, a minority member of the Utopian alliance, called Martin's offer a landmark move, but she didn't necessarily approve of what the offer entailed.

"I had been getting hostile looks from many of my fellow Utopian leaders for wanting to make peace with Canada," she says to reporters at NationStates, "Personally, I don't like his idea for ceding land, but on the other hand, I'm sure it will appease my fellow Utopians."

The members of the Utopian alliance had, for the most part, supported an invasion of Canada. The Sarevok Republic (ruled by a Canadian expatriot, Aigle Maleaux) and Azzion had both rejected the calls for invasion, both citing possible trade in Canada's marijuana industry to stem war.

"Canada's got good bud," Dodger said to the other nations of the Alliance, "Bud equals trade. Trade equals money. Money equals a sound economy, and sound economy means that your ass gets to stay in power. God forbid we have an asshatish 'Father Knows Best' type of state try and invade us for a fragile economy."

"There's nothing wrong with Canada," said Maleaux, president of the Sarevok Republic, formerly of Montreal, "There's good people in Canada. I don't understand at all why my fellow Utopians would want to cause war with us after all these years of peace."

If the cession of land goes forward, the Utopian nations, Sarevok Republic and Azzion included, would split the land evenly amongst themselves. The population would be declared Utopian citizens, and all former Canadian government property would be at the mercy of the Utopians.

Other officials from the Utopian alliance could not be reached for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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