Written by Morse
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Monday, 19 October 2009

image for Spoof's Own Madame Bitters to Be New Voice of London' s Undergound Tubes!
The Spoof Goes Underground with Madam Bitters!

The London Tube Consortium, LLC, today announced the replacement of long time Tube Commentator Emma Clarke, with the fresh new voice of Madame Bitters, a sometimes blues singer, cake baker, and all around female voice, and conscience, of The Spoof.Com

Bitters, no stranger to having her voice used commercially, broke into commercial voicing in the 70's where she became the recognized female voice for the popular Datsun Maxima Sedan. Her dulcet tones advising one that "your lights are on', 'get gas, NOW', and the famous welcoming as one closed the door and prepared to start up, " Hi Big Boy, are we ready to ride?" set the car market on it's ear.

Since then, the reclusive Madame has done standard voice overs for General Motors and their On Star announcements, including the now famous warning to car jackers, "Get out this car right now, Mother F**** before I blow your A*** off,", a public service announcement responsible for lowering the stolen car statistics by over 56% in General Motors, now Government Motors.

Bitters, who won out over 3125 other contestants, says her success was no surprise to her. "I've studied the Brits for over a year, that's why I joined The Spoof.Com...it was like a science experience where you immerse yourself in 3 billion years of primordial slime...after a year living in a petrie dish, I kind of absorbed all that British humour, dry wit, and white bread personality!"

As a favor to this reporter, Bitters, in her best Mae West tones, impinged with a Yorkshire Accent, which can not be reduced to the written word, gave us a preview of what to expect in the coming months:

*Hey, Mate, Mind that Bloody Umbrella...it's a might close to me arse...

*Will the chap in the Bowler and the club tie pretending to read the Guardian, please take his hands out of his pockets and get grip on something else...

*Will the Paki with the take away Curry, please refrain from eating while in transit...the smell is bad enough, but chewing with your mouth open is driving the other passengers bonkers....

*Will the gentleman tourist from Pattaya please button your shirt...your tits are showing...

*You young ladies with the skirts up to your arse, will you please keep your knees together till you get to your stop....PLEASE, MIND THE GAP!

Madame Bitters, The Next Voice of Reason you hear when you go UNDERGROUND!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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