Written by Liam_1959
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Topics: Ireland, Irish

Saturday, 7 August 2004

By Liam Logsdon, Dublin Irish National Press

Dublin, Ireland - Atlantis is the legendary island nation, whose existence has created controversy of years. Scientific data gathered shows Atlantis is actually Ireland, according to a new theory by Irish scientist, Hugh Padhagm-O'Banney. "I'm tired of keeping me mouth shut about it, it's time the world knew", yelled Padhagm-O'Banney. "All Irish people know this, yet we've been tight lipped since year one". "People cry and say it will hurt our tourism, they say it will hurt our economy, and they say it's our little secret".

Plato was the drunken Greek philosopher who wrote about Atlantis in 360 BC. He said it was an island in the North Atlantic Ocean where an advanced civilization drank mead, ran around naked and were pagans. It was destroyed by vengeful gods who used a giant wave to wash it off the face of the earth, destroying all traces.

Geographer Ulf Ulmlot-Ughanda, whose cartoon book explains this theory, will be published by Marvel Comics next month. In the cartoon / story / theory, Ulf says the measurements, geography, and landscape of Atlantis as described by Plato match Ireland exactly. Ulf went on to state, "You know it is real important science when they publish it in ‘Classics Illustrated'".

"I am amazed no one has come up with this before, it's incredible," he told reporters. "Just like Atlantis, Ireland is 300 miles long, 200 miles wide, and widest across the middle and they both have a central plain surrounded by mountains". "I've looked at geographical data from all over the world and of the largest islands there is only one that has a plain in the middle, Ireland".

Padhagm-O'Banney believes the idea that Atlantis sank came from the fate of Dogger Bank, an isolated shoal in the North Sea, about 60 miles off the northeastern coast of England, which sank after being hit by a huge flood wave around 6,100 BC.

"I know it is well documented in written history and has been found in cave drawings throughout Ireland and northern Europe". "I think the memory of Dogger Bank was probably preserved in Ireland for around 3,000 years and became mixed up with the story of Atlantis," he said.

Padhagm-O'Banney also links the boundaries of the Atlantic Empire, as outlined by Plato in his book ‘Other Places We Have Yet to Visit', with the geographic distribution of megalithic rock formations in Europe and Northern Africa and the Americas, matching Atlantis' temples with well-known burial sites at Castle New Grunge and Towne Knowth All, north of Dublin, which pre-date the pyramids.

His book, ‘Atlantis from an Underwater Perspective: Mapping the Fairies' has a large percentage of Ireland angry. "We're not bleeding fairies, and if old Paddy-Banney body was right here now, I'd give him a right royal kick up his backside", Gavin MacDonald said.

Previous theories about Atlantis have suggested it may have been only located in the alcohol-sotted decaying brain of Plato.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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