Written by Alexandria177
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Tuesday, 20 October 2009

image for New spokesperson for the Taliban?
"Howz about TV/VCR repair, can I learn that, too?"

Berlin, Germany - German and American intelligence outfits have detected a large upswing of recruits by Al-Qaeda and Taliban terror training camps. And these recruits are Western, and at least one seems to be American.

An examination of the recruitment videos were sufficient to tell the frightening tale as to how efficient and persuasive their methods have become.

Here is the transcript:

(Heavy set blond woman with much jewelry enters)

"Do you want to kill more infidels? Sure! We all do! That's why we at the International Correspondence Schools offer you many opportunities to improve your life - and your relation to Allah - today!

I'm Sally Stutters and if you call now, you'll get a free informational packet telling you how you can get your degree in one of these exciting fields!

Bomb throwing! Gun Repair! Incendiaries and Explosives! Cave Dwelling! Car Bombs! Throat Cutting! Scary Video Making!

Or get your specialized diploma in Airline Piloting!

At ICS, we've a proven track record of service to thousands of happy customers! Call now, and start your future - today!"

If this is actually Sally Stutters, she is no stranger to doing work for schools, and has much experience in targeting a young, disenchanted and impressionable audience. Previously she had been best known for using these skills to sell repair classes to masses of America's unemployed.

U.S. Homeland Security does not know for sure if this is actually Sally Stutters, or a clever imposter. But they have responded by putting her on the No-Fly list. German officials had no comment, except to say that at least this still buxom blond looks "racially pure".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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