LONDON: As part of Her Majesty's Government's scrappage scheme to get the economy moving again, Brown launches a few laptops and mobile phones against the walls of Number 10, in a new initiative to save the world!! In this intriguing and insightful interview, Gordon Brown lays down the way forward for Britain and the World economies.
As I gained security clearance to pass into Downing Street, I had to sign a wavour form that entitled me to no compensation if I was hit by anything hurled by Prime Minister Gordon Brown.
As I entered through the world famous black door of No 10 Downing Street, I had to duck as a mobile phone came hurtling out through the front door. It's velocity was so great, it smashed into the side doors of one of the chauffer driven cars, wrecking the paneling and disintegrating the glass.
I was completely aghast at what I had just seen, but what I then witnessed astounded me even more. Gordon Brown rushed past me and angrily shouted out, "Has the car been damaged enough for it to be scrapped?"
The Chauffer said, "No Sir, the car is still road worthy?", to which Prime Minister Brown replied, "We'll see about that then!"
In strode Gordon, who noticed me standing there for the first time, "Ah!!", the Prime Minister said, "You are from the Press to interview me, about his new scrapping initiative I have, to save both Britain and the World. I'm glad you are here to witness this!"
Prime Minister Brown then grabbed a stack of new laptops, went outside again. Gordon then hurled a considerable number of laptops with immense force into the front of the car to destroy it. Then walked round the back of the car and then hurled considerably more laptops into the rear of the car. Whereupon the petrol tank was ruptured, a spark detonated the car to explosion. It swept Gordon Brown off his feet hurling him back into No 10.
With Gordon Brown's face blackened with soot from the explosion and his clothes hanging from him in smoldering rags, the Prime Minister again asked the Chauffer, "Has the car been damaged enough for it to be scrapped?"
The Chauffer said, "Yes Sir, the car is now longer road worthy?", to which Prime Minister Brown replied, "Good, cart it away then!"
I realized that all this was a practical demonstration being done for the benefit of impressing me for the article, about Gordon Brown's initiative. To be honest, it reminded me of Fawlty Towers when Basil Fawlty thrashed an old British Leyland Allegro car with a bush, to try and teach it a lesson!
Gordon Brown, with a flushed red and sooty face greeted me with a handshake and then said "Here you see for yourself what the new Government initiative is all about!"
What he meant by that, I really didn't quite know and as I followed him through the corridors of the famous No 10 residence, I don't think the portraits of the former British Prime Ministers would know quite what to make of it all either.
As I had a cup of tea in Prime Minister Brown's sitting room and we were just about to have some chocolate cake, the Prime Ministers mobile phone rang. Gordon Brown briefly listened and then shouted, "No!, No!, No!" and then threw the mobile phone which tremendous force into the wall!
I casually asked the Prime Minister "Is there a problem?"
Gordon smiled and replied, "No, Not now! That was the Department for Business Enterprise and Regulatory Reform on the phone, they were asking me whether their was a limit to MY new UK Mobile and Computer Scrappage Scheme!!"
Prime Minister Brown pointed to the corner of the room, where there was a 8 foot pile of wrecked mobile phones, laptops and other computers, nearly so high it was close to the ceiling!
Gordon quipped, "I've got so much to claim back for, I can't allow a limit to my claims, can I?" Prime Minister Brown confidently continued, "Since the expose of the John Lewis list and the Honourable MPs expenses scandal, this is another avenue to obtain a revenue stream."
I listened and asked another question in a joking way, "Prime Minister, what about those clothes that are all but rags hanging on your person? Will you be able to make a claim for that?"
Gordon replied, "Since the announcement of MY successful UK Car Scrappage Scheme on the 27 April 2009, Consumers were offered £2,000 towards a new car or van if they traded in a 10 year old plus vehicle which they have owned for 12 months or more, I've now extended that to laptops and mobile phones!!
Pressing again my unanswered question, "What about your clothes Prime Minister?"
"Yes, I was coming to that!" Gordon retorted! "Just before the election next year, I will announce that there will be a UK Clothes Scrappage Scheme!!"
As I drank the remnants of my cup of tea, as a way to finish the interview, I poignantly asked the Prime Minister, "Have you heard of the tale of the King with no clothes'?
"Yes!" Gordon blurted out, "What about it?"
"Well!!" I steeled myself to say it, "What about the Prime Minister with no clothes?", as I pointed to the smoldering rags that he was still wearing since the explosion of the Ministerial car.
Prime Minister Brown shouted out, "We are the party of the many, you are the party of rich!", which wasn't the answer or reply to give, but Gordon didn't know how to answer my question. Shaking with rage Gordon made for a stack of new mobile phones and laptops and seeing what was coming, I made my retreat.
As I quickly sped through the corridors, mobile phones and laptops whizzed past my head. It was all for a good cause, as Prime Minister Brown unselfishly made a further contribution to his very own UK Mobile and Computer Scrappage Scheme. A scheme that Prime Minister Brown wishfully hopes will save Britain and the World!