Shergar, Co Louse - (Bloody Sundae): Ulster Unionists were having none of it as Secretary of State Hillary Clinton "ducked bullets and mortar fire" to grandstand in front of the IRA at Stormont today.
The former Little Rock bagwoman for Fuerzas Armadas Revolucionarias de Colombia - Ejército del Pueblo FARC-EP, Colombia's cocaine peddling Marxist-Leninist revolutionary guerrilla organization, got short shrift from previous top Irish customers.
Gerry Adams, Martin McGuinnes and Dr Ian Paisley were all once her regular 100 kilos-a-month franchisees, dancing to her tune and paying her margins.
And then some bastard from the military wing of the Colombian Communist Party persuaded Bill Clinton that Rose Law firm associate Vince Foster was ripe for the suicide season.
"Of course half of bloody Northern Ireland knew that Governor Bill Clinton had had an affair with Teddy Kennedy's missus, Joan," Peaches Geldof told The Tattler today.
"That's why Hillary's schmoozing the Irish, to cover her ass."