London, UK/ Financial Times - beleaguered Labour Prime Minister, Gordon Brown announced his financial plan to rescue Britain from a 175 Billion Pound (not ounces) deficit by selling off some of the country's most prized assets.
Brown has been under increased pressure lately from Conservatives to reign in run away debt, while pummeled with increasing revelations of millionaire back benchers padding their expense vouchers.
According to Sotheby's who will be handling the auction of some of the realm's most prized possessions, anything, and everything, of value is up on the chopping block.
According to financial sources, first on the list to go could be the Channel Tunnel, being offered to France at a bargain basement price, although there are indications that Poland is interested in purchasing it as part of their 'Underground" railway system to facilitate England's profitable 'slave trade'.
Hearing about the fire sale, at least one group of Colonists, known only as "The Band Of Brothers", an LLC of consisting of only three (3) surviving members, have made it known through their solicitor that they will be bidding on the HMS Victory with the intent to float it over to the Colonies and enshrine it somewhere on the South Eastern Coast between Virginia Beach, and Charleston, SC.
Plans are still sketchy, put there are rumours that the historic ship will be employed as a theme park, pub, convention center, and writer's workshop, with all tax free proceeds going into an Aging Spoof Writers Retirement Fund.
Included in the lot with the HMS Victory is the blood drenched flag national hero, Lord Nelson, was draped after he fell on the Poof Deck.
Of especial interest is the casket in which Nelson's Brandy Saturated Body was brought back to Britain for burial. The remarkable preservation of the Admiral's body is said to account for Brits' proclivity, even today, to arrive at the mortuary, 'well pickled.'
British expatriate, now stand up comedian, and former RN retiree, Duncan Whitehead, living in Atlanta, Ga, said he would be happy to appear in the HMS Victory Comedy Club, if the move was approved.
Whitehead said he was motivated by the news, and was preparing a whole host of new material, most of which he had 'borrowed' from the popular magazine series "Below Decks", now a cult classic on The Spoof.Com
Former ship's cook, Skoob1999, now a successful T&A Band Promoter for the Bonkettes, as well as launching a new career with Erin Andrews as the voice of American Soccer, said he too would appear for the opening night festivities.
"I'd rather see the ole hulk filled to the brim with drunken Pommes and Tea Baggers, than rotting at the dock in Portsmouth, " he mused. "I hope the hors d'oeuvres aren't stringy....who's catering the party'?"
In further late breaking new,rumours are circulating that Ireland has sold all oil rights to Hugo Chavez, and if they get enough money would be taking over the awarding of all Nobel Prizes to prevent further material being exploited by writers on The Spoof.com.